If you can find your keys when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you.
If you can memorise a hefty shopping list
And remember to collect the laundry too.
If you can stand the lines at endless football games
Drink cold Bovril, eat all the manky pies,
And suffer all the shouting at the ref
Remembering to celebrate the highs.
If you can juggle all the school runs
And sit through countless netball games.
If you can have both son and daughter
And treat those two rascals just the same.
If you can hear the threats you’ve issued
Twisted round to break the rules
And ground them still for being rude
And taking you for fools.
If you can take a heap of earnings
And throw it all on toys and clothes
And food, and nights out at the movies
With unsuitable friends you loathe.
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To clean their bedrooms long after they are gone
And work until there is nothing in you
And dust bunnies there are none.
If you can keep your wits about you
As university halls they roam
And keep a hat on worrying
When they never write or phone.
If you can give all that you have to give
To watch them blossom, grow and run,
Yours is the best job in the world
And which is more you’ll be a Dad my son!
with apologies to Rudyard Kipling