He’d lived in our cellar for eons
We’d always had our Uncle Vlad
He only went shopping at midnight
Yes, he was a vampiric lad.
One day after dining on virgins,
He took on a quite maudlin look,
Sobbed into the cuff of his frilly white shirt
And waved at us all a guidebook.
“I want to visit the seaside!” he cried.
“Please take me there soon I beseech!”
He looked so forlorn that we had to agree
To take this vampire to the beach.
He’d always been curious to see it –
The bright thing that hung up in the sky
He knew that it could be the death of him
But he told us he wanted to try.
So we took him to the local Specsavers
(Obviously undercover of the night)
To try out some styles of sunglasses
Tho’ his fangs gave the assistant a fright.
She showed him the various selections
Of specs that would favour his face
But he had some trouble deciding
‘Cause mirrors don’t reflect his race.
Wearing some factor one thousand
A blanket, a scarf and a hat
We eventually got him out of the house
Clutching onto a long bamboo mat
He certainly lost some of his sparkle
As he’d never been out there before
It took some black pudding and a crow bar
To lever him out of the door.
Well at length we all landed in Skeggy
Well known for its cool bracing air.
We took Uncle Vlad (under blankets)
To sample the delights of the fair.
He managed to throw up on the Waltzer
After candy floss and corn on the cob.
The saving grace was the Haunted House ride
Where the manager offered him a job.
We covered him up in a poncho and hat
And took him down onto the sand
Where he had a long ride on a donkey.
And listened to the local brass band.
He sat – quite at home – in his deckchair
Clutching a huge bag of chips,
A big stick of rock that was fluorescent pink
And a huge smile displayed on his lips.
“I’ll remember this day forever” he said
“I’d thought it was out of my reach”
Yes we’ll always remember it too Uncle Vlad
The day we took a vampire to the beach.
An additional poem after my daughter gave me a prompt to write a poem about taking a vampire to the beach. Here you go Lucy!
Artwork by Brian Allen